They do NOT use our essays for firewood
by Living in a fantasy
Summary: While bored in History of Magic one day, Sirius and James come to the conclusion that Binns is using their essays as emergency firewood. Remus just thinks they're idiots, but when has that ever stopped those two?


AN: I know I haven't written the Marauders for a long long time. But I got bored in class and I've been obsessed with them lately. I also must note the first thing that Remus says is something my friend vividxbit told me in choir. It was funny so I added it.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way shape or form own Harry Potter. If I did the series would be about the Marauders.

It was another boring day in History of magic. Students were slumped over desks asleep, staring blankly out of windows, and doodling senselessly on parchment. Remus had been trying unsuccessfully to take notes, but had ended up playing tic tac toe with Peter (who kept loosing horribly).

Sirius was leaning on the two back legs of his chair, balancing and managing to doze off at the same time. Being asleep, he lost his balance and fell backward off his chair, landing hard on the floor with a muffled grunt of pain.

The conscious members of the class laughed, but professor Binns didn't even pause in his lecture. In fact, he hadn't seemed to notice that anything was amok at all.

Sirius sat up and glared at his so called friends, who were laughing the hardest at him. Muttering darkly, he sat back down. There were a few minutes of silence except for Binns voice and the soft breathing of sleeping students before Sirius got bored again. "How can I bother you?" he asked Remus, leaning forwards to poke him sharply in the back.

"By existing."

Sirius winced. "You don't have to be so cold Moony. I suppose it would be better for me to die. Disappear from everyone's lives. I'm useless to this world, my presence is just a hassle on everyone I meet. I might at well throw myself off the astronomy tower."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

Pouting, Sirius stuck out his tongue at Remus before stretching and glancing at Professor Binns, who was still going strong. There was a few seconds of silence before Sirius sighed loudly and turned to James, who was busy drawing hearts on his parchment in a daze. "James stop, you're acting like a girl," he said amused.

Glaring, James cuffed Sirius lightly on the head before glancing around the class. "I'm getting pretty sick of the whole 'sleep pr daydream' scene that goes on in here," he announced, turning to Sirius.

His best friend shrugged. "There's not much else we can do Prongs. Although I do wonder how anyone is passing when it's obvious no one cares."

James paused. "That's a good point. You know come to think of it, I don't think he's ever returned any of those essays to us. How do we know our grades?"

"I doubt you want to know your grade mate."

"That's not the point," he announced, bringing his fist down hard on the table. Peter jumped in front of him, but no one else seemed to pay him any attention. Remus did shoot them a short glare but then turned back to his notes, muttering something to himself that none of them managed to catch. "There's something strange about this class."

Remus turned around to face them fully this time. "You're just bored and looking for something to do. Honestly, he probably keeps them because of how poor your grades are."

Cocking his head to the side, it was Sirius who spoke next. "But how does he hold a quill? He's a ghost. How does he grade anything? Stare at it and memorize the grades until it's time to tell us?"

James nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, he can't use a quill; in fact he always has us hand them in on his desk! I've never seen him touch an essay before!"

Now enthusiastic as well, Sirius abandoned any attempt at lowering his voice as he responded. "Does this mean we put all that work into these things and he doesn't even read them? I bet they're used to burn in the fireplace!"

Agreeing with Sirius, James looked at a closed door in the far corner of the room, a door he had never seen anyone use before. "Maybe he keeps all our labors in there," he suggested. "They could be there to use in case of a shortage of wood!"

Remus shook his head. "Are you serious?"

James grinned. "No he is," he said, gesturing to Sirius who had posed very dramatically next to him. Remus, having heard this pun more times then he could count, hit his head on the table several times before he looked up again.

He didn't bother to regard the overused remark. "Besides, we can use magic for fire, we don't need wood."

"But it's much more cheery that way," Peter added, glad to find an opening in the conversation that he could put his opinion in with.

Remus wondered if his textbook could knock him out if he hit himself in the head with it hard enough.

"Why don't we go check it out?" Sirius suggested, standing up and stretching before sitting on top of his and James' desk. "There's nothing better to do after all."

Remus looked highly affronted. "Nothing better to do? There's going to be a test on this material next week! I can't afford to fail it just because of your overactive imaginations!"

"Think of it this way," James said. "Since they use our essays for firewood, they probably use the tests for firewood as well."

"They do not use our essays as firewood!" Remus yelled, annoyed. Binns paused and looked up at him, causing Remus to freeze and stare straight ahead, but after a moment the ancient professor began speaking again, and Remus relaxed before turning to reprimand his friends…

Only to find them all walking casually towards the door James had previously pointed out. Remus glanced back at Binns before reluctantly getting up to join them. A few students looked curiously their way but most were fast asleep by this time and couldn't be bothered to see what the four friends were doing.

Peter kept watch as James silently opened the ancient door, and the four glanced inside.

To Remus' surprise, the room was filled with used parchment, with long, mundanely copied essays from students years and years ago. Sirius and James chuckled slightly and moved forward a bit. "Frank Longbottom. This one can't be very old."

"Look at this one," James said. "It's so ancient that parchment is crumbling apart!"

Still surprised, Remus looked to his left only to see an essay with his own name on it, and it was indeed unmarked and un-graded. He was indignant that he had been spending hours working on these papers and was not being graded for them.

Peter, who had wandered around the small room then back to the doorway suddenly turned to them. "You guys quick, he's telling us the homework!"

The Marauders quickly snuck out of the room, not risking closing the door, and settled back in their seats. Remus, still angry at his work gone to waste, didn't bother to copy down the homework (although he did ask Lily for it later).

Professor Binns glanced towards the door and stopped. "Did anyone see who left the emergency firewood source door open?"

Sirius and James high-fived. Remus just hit his head on his desk once more.

/…/…/…/…/

AN: Turned out differently then I imagined. Please review, hope you enjoyed!


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